It has been a little bit since I wrote on the blog and I will share a portion of why. God has really been up to a few things and of course most of Hell was sent to distract, destroy, harm ect… so that my family would not walk in total freedom in a few areas.
I did not write because I was not really sure what had to do with what. The more I have sought God for His words of truth I can see the partial areas that are going to be healed. Now this may be a little raw at times. The point is that these things are being healed not completely head yet. So, if I seem punchy, rude, or just don’t make since. Maybe give me a phone call, email or something so you see with your eyes and hear my tone of voice for the real impact. Deal, Deal!
The beginning of November my oldest daughter was called and went through a series of phone interviews that followed up an application process for The Miss Arkansas Teen pageant in Jan2011. Those gave us 2 months give or take a few holidays and a 16th birthday party for the same daughter. Oh yeah and that birthday is Dec 24. Yup you read that right. Then my son birthday is Jan 2 and that is my 18th anniversary as well. Get a little of the picture??
Okay, so the unveiling of my hurt heart started a week or so into this process and I did not really know why. And then in a flash a new wound opened up when I heard the news of Mark’s head injury. You see I have walked a road similar to his mother only my daughter was 6 months old and then finally at 2yrs old Jan 9th, 1996 she had at the time an experimental surgery to relieve the pressure in her brain. The previous year and a half had been very long and trying but the next 4 years we grueling and very difficult on me, my marriage, my friendships, you name it has been hard. The whole time knowing she was being healed and that one day we would be able to say she is completely healed! In Jesus name Amen..
She is being healed still. The bad days are very few and most people reading this may even think what wait a minute. I know that kid and she is normal. I say yes God is Healer, Good, Great, Wonderful Marvelous, Powerful, and gentle. Gentle you might think is odd. Well healing hurts; Hurts bad at times. I am not talking just the physical pain we all watched her go through and preserver.
I thought that I would be the only one who would have to be healed of the emotional wounds. I am very emotional person. I am very passionate person about everything. This also means I am very isolated a lot of times because I come across as angry even when I am not. This has become a revolving door that I would like to get out of. At the same time I want to remain the original creation God created me to be and not a copy of the person others like to be around.
I guess you see the wound I have given myself…. I also failed to notice that my daughter carries the wounds as well. Even though she was little and we could not change any of the things she had to go through. We also could not protect her tiny emotions from lots of feelings that became wounds because Satan used the circumstances of her life to harm her emotions. He also used this to help me become unstable at times.
PRAISE GOD because he heals, he reveals, he is a pursuer of COMPLETE healing in all areas!! As I boldly pray for Mark and his family God is walking me through a time of personal healing of wounds I did not know I still had. Strike that ever knew I had. I know Mark is going to be healed; I know God knows when, how and by whom. But Mark will Arise and proclaim the Glory and Power of Our Lord!! I have loved reading the words of faithful Christ followers waiting for complete healing. I adore the way the family is quick to report each miracle for all to read and know. I wish I would have written about our God story in a journal. I can only ask God to help me recall what my family needs to hear. It would have been so cool for her to able to read about how God healed her and how many times he provided for us.
This journey has been long and is not yet complete but will be soon. As I was seeking God about did we hear him right on the pageant? He assured me yes we did. Her participating is His desire that he placed in a young girl’s heart many years ago for such a time as this! I don’t know why or the outcome of the pageant but what I do know is this….
God always finishes what he starts and he started her healing journey on Dec 18th with a Dr. in NYC and then a surgery performed on Jan 9th. He remembers me laying her on the alter in obedience to His request and telling Life or Death on that day I would praise His name forever. He loved me and her from the beginning of time. I willing with a grateful heart handed her over to the surgeon at ACH that day and in a few moments my thoughts began to wonder if she lived will she ever walk, talk, eat, dance, turn 16, get married, have a normal life or would she meet Jesus that day.
I now realize Jesus has been with her every step of the way and he is still walking her through her healing and mine. I am humbled by the facts my Father God has shown me and reminded me of dates. These are His ways of saying …This is all for you my beloved daughter. I want you to see and experience a taste of the Joy I have you here on earth. It will be added to one of my greatest days Jan 9th 2011 to see my daughter on a stage in the Miss Arkansas Teen Pageant.
God has provided a dress that she stated “I feel beautiful and flawless from the inside out even though I have only showered today. Mom in No makeup, no fixed hair, and no jewelry I felt flawless! “ As we both welled up with tears.
God is so good to me and I cried as those words sunk in….She has always felt flawed. She has a scar that runs down the middle of her head down into the top of her back. We prayed for her to have grown to cover the scar up and God allowed her hair around the scar to grow but the scar its self has never been able to be covered by hair. I have always told her it was a reminder of God healing her; it was an honor to have the evidence to show people.
I don’t think that has helped her over the years but God redeems us and has helped her feel flawless. I can only hope and pray that God help each young girl, woman, child, young boy, man, and family feel His total love, acceptance, and healing power in the most gentle of ways he has for us.
All Glory and Praise to God,
Sonya
